This is new....

Life is changing here at Team Faulkner. I have for a long time realised that I am on my own and will more than likely be like this for ever - because of my own choice.

I have put my wedding rings back on - my anger stage of grief has gone. I now feel small and vulnerable and left behind, wearing the rings today doesnt cause me to have flash backs like they did the first year of being widowed, but now , instead they make me feel safe - like Dave is still the one that is looking after me - I still " belong" to him if you like.

Since Hannah my eldest passed her driving test - the same week that I was up in court with yet more points on my license, she has become like a right arm to me. Am I worried that I rely on her too much to fill Dave's shoes ? Yes. But then again, I can see the dynamics of team faulkner changing wonderfully, where the little ones have two crazy chicks at the head of the house, running everything from work to mealtimes. Hannah doing the school runs for me everyday as I am too scared to drive again really, is allowing me to work more, instead of having to stop at 3pm. This is totally new for me - NEVER have I had anyone help me by doing the school runs - even when i had two high street shops, it was always up to me to fetch the kids form three different schools. So now, I can work a proper day - which has cut my stress and frustration completely. as all working mothers will know, its so bad to never actually be able to finish something you are doing, because you have to put your other hat on - the one of mother and cook !